This months Blog was about my travels in the Northern Territory.  Updates were sporadic as I was hitching through the real OUTBACK where there is no cellphone coverage, let alone internet cafe's!

It was primarily an internal journey.

I travelled without glider and laptop, without much in the way of baggage at all.  Letting go of the past, seeing what was left .... and making room for the new. Life in the desert was simple - water, transport, shelter and food.

A most extra-ordinary time....

Left Broom yesterday. Andreas and I had a long breakfast and then lunch in between tying up a few things like posting my glider and laptop to Manilla. He dropped me off at the intersection of the Great Northern Highway turnoff to Broome.  I was brave and only burst into tears briefly as we hugged goodbye.

Getting a lift took a long time and I walked to keep my mind occupied or numbed or whatever, but I could not sit still.  Kiwi, a truckdriver eventually stopped and gave me a lift to Willare Bridge Roadhouse where I set up camp in the last of the light.  Feeling low.

Morning of the first and I set out again.  Back twinged and worried it was going to give me trouble.  Lift took awhile, but eventually a couple I met at the caravan park came by and stopped.  Brian and Dawn from Brisbane gave me a lift to Derby.  We stopped to do the tourist viewing of the Prison Boab Tree just outside of town.  Did not like Derby at all.  Horrible mismatch, loose town with no colour that I could see.  The Woolworths and Prison the most noticable buildings.  Quick shop at Woolworths then hiked out of town.  Again lift not coming as quick as I am used to.

Kathy Fluhler stopped and invited me to stay at her house.  She had noticed me at Woolworths and is an amzing traveller in her own right.  Artist and Mother of 5 I learned a lot about motherhood that day as  I lay on the floor resting my back and chatting.  We chatted into the night, me downloading all that she had to share of her vast experience as a mother.  Kathy taught me to what lengths a mother will go to protect her young and nurture them and be there for them in adult life.  Her two last children she had in her 40's.  They are now 7 and 9. An amazing women is Kathy.

In the little artist studio I slept in was a painting of the aborginal child similar to the creole child of my dreams.  Hanging in her lounge was the red dragon, and if anyone reminds me of the powerful stand up female lizard of my dreams ... it is Kathy.  I believe we will be good friends in the future, if we are not already.

That night I had a terrible dream.  Andreas was beside me sleeping, but we were joined at the head by a wave.  I was frightened by the connection .. and I pummled him with my fists ... and killed him.  I was immediately remorseful and so sorry for what I had done out of fear.

My dreams are so strong these days.

My back has healed.  No sign of pain whatsoever.

Hitching the Gibb River Trail was slow and hot.  Shane, driving a water truck stopped and gave me a lift as far as the Bilina Oil Fields turnoff.  I had made a decision.  Not doing Gibb River.  Going to go to Windjana Gorge and down to Fitzroy Crossing and Tanami Track to Alice Springs.  My lift to Windjana appeared quickly in the form of conservation maintenance man Gavin and later Rob.

Winjana is nice.  So many fresh water crocodiles, some one meter long, hanging in the clear water, swimming and basking in the sun at the same time, others on the banks and babies the size of my hand swimming around like mudskippers.  Strange to be walking near crocodiles in the wild.  They are apparently fairly docile and not threatening.  I decided to cancel my ideas of swimming just the same.  Many bats hanging from the trees.  They are a delight to observe.  Than night was almost full moon.  The camp site in the bush bathed in moonlight. 

Annabel and David, a young hippie couple invited me for dinner.  It was tasty and filling and very much appreciated.  I do not have cooking facilities.

I slept well, the dreams giving me a rest.

Windjana to Tunnel Creek and Fitzroy Crossing.  Fortunate to get a lift all the way with Sandy and Gerrie Somerville of Scotland.  Lovely couple.  I am still feeling so very low and disconnected from the world, but their company and harmonious view of life lifted my spirits by the end of the day.

Tunnel Creek was impressive and so glad we stopped to walk the 750m tunnel though the little mountain range to the other side.  Some places had to wade through water, but not very deep at this time of year.  Stalactites and bats and an awesome experience.  It is so huge inside.  And it is all free.  Amazing country Australia.

At Fitzroy stayed at the Crossing Inn Caravan Park.  We all went off for a river trip on the Geiki Gorge which was well worth the $25.

Last night I met an unusual man.  John McFadden who works at the caravan park and local BP gas station. Jackmac is his artist name.  John also reminds me of 'Socrates' from No Ordinary Moments by Dan Millman.

I think some people might become scared of John the way he talks of spirits and what he is.  A very well read and learned man he quoted from poets, philosophers, psychoanalists, and authors too numerous to mention.  He also showed me his paintings - one was the zigzag Rainbow Lizard of my dreams.  Towards the end of the evening, John gifted me a painting - Marella, The Emu Man. 

Marella is apparently a protection spirit of the Aboriginal People.  The head and shoulders look much like interpretations of a 'space man' or alien - bald head surrounded by a halo, large eyes, a nose, no mouth and a concave curve indicating the heart between the shoulders. Three stars set out in the footprint of the emu are in the backdrop around him.  So much of his work shows Trinity.

I continue my journey today into the Tanami Desert with Marella.

Opening up myself to other apsects of our world is attracting in unusual people. Trying to decipher is all sometimes makes me spin.  There are times when reality shifts.  The Warrior in me fights for clear answers in order that I make the right decisions ... but I am finding that I am a babe in the woods in this other world.  Do I have to lose my sanity to find my freedom?

My life is taking on a 'life' of its own. I am drifting..a passenger on threads of something I don't understand ... but feel. 

Today I feel that I have found an acceptance for what is to come.  That we are given nothing that we cannot handle.  I have Faith.  Faith in this land that is Australia, the Dreamtime that exists here, and in the Universe.  I am protected.

Arrived Alice Springs yesterday after traversing the Tanami Desert.  So much static electricity out there.....  LOVED IT!!

Will try sketch out a few details whilst here in Alice but not sure how long I will be here for and where I will be going to next and I don't have my laptop so internet access is expensive.  Excuses, excuses .. :-)  Truth be told, I am enjoying the break from the internet .... Not sure where I will be going with FLYGIRL.  Its value to the paragliding community is becoming less with my lack of participation in competition and free flying ... and without sponsorship, flying all over the world to compete in the www.xc-open.org is fast becoming a love from my Past and no longer part of my Present. 

Perhaps all will change next month as the new season calls me into the air and I will become motivated to write in depth again.  I do look forward to flying .... perhaps next month in Manilla....

At R7 per 5 minutes I am going to make this short.

At Ayers Rock.  Had a magical experience at Ayers Rock and Olgas. Dog tired.  Day started at 4am hitching in.  Was worth it to walk around the rock without a tourist in sight, in wonderful moonlight, with a dingo howling in the distance.

Tomorrow I suspect I will be flying west.  Andreas is in Karratha and, well.....we miss each other.

Quick sketch of the Tanami Desert trip:

Lift from Halls Creeek to tanami turnoff off with Aboriginal ladies who said a christian prayer for me before I stepped out of the car.  Gran would approve and actually I really appreciated it.

Waited all day for lift under a bush.

Big brown snake rustled up behind me.  One meter.  Both were startled and darted in opposite directions.

Police came by to try and convince me not to do it.  Took my details and I promised to check in at Alice.

Aboriginal people once again came to my aid just before sunset.

The trip invilved hunting a kangaroo down for 'tucker'.  They used a tradition al weapon - Toyota Landcruiser.  Then aoplogetically put it in the back with me where I was balancing on two spare 4x4 tyres. 

Sh#t!  Run out of coins.

 Later! 

.A little update.

In Perth.  Staying with Bill and Sara for a few days.  Bill has gone flying (two seater fixed wing aircraft called an Eagle) to Margaret River for lunch.  Ahh, such is Bills life :-)  (Found out later they had hamburgers!!!)

I am doing all the things I need to attend to:

- A visit to the skin doctor to screen for skin cancer on my chest came up negative.  Pleased about that one.  Was a worry.  Since Broome my skin has been itchy on my chest, shoulders and arms.  Doctor says I have a dermal allergic reaction caused by the sun and something it is reacting to on my skin.  That, I think would be the new sun screen I bought from the health shop in Broome.  Trying the healthy alternative is not always successful. A little cortozone cream and nothing else but water for a few weeks has been prescribed.  Have to cover up as well and wear a long sleeved shirt with a neck fit that completely covers my chest. Just as well it is cold down here in the south.  Not tempted at all to sunbath.  Glad it is not cancer!!!!

- Another test to see if I am pregnant - came up negative.  I have mixed feelings about this one.  Part of me still wants to experience a Child, specifically Andreas's Child, but the thought of being a single Mom distresses me.  There are no guarrantees in life and in particular with Andreas. We are so alike in the way we live each day in Australia - in the present, tomorrow to be discovered as it unfolds, no plans....

But when considering consciously to bring a Child into this world, I find I am resorting to a typical female survival reaction:  I want 'security', I want to 'know' that the Man I Love will be there for Us during the pregnancy, the birth and the upbringing of Our Child. But with Andreas ... there can be no commitment.

How ironic.  My entire Life I have been unable to commit to anyone and have absolutely avoided any possibility of pregnancy.  I never felt I wanted the responsibility.  I Child was just never going to happen for me.  Somehow Australia changed all that.  And incredibly I was drawn to the one Man whose make-up would trigger this unusual response in myself ... only for me to find that He is .. unavailable.

'Unavailable' in that, Spiritually He is 'On His Way'.  Whilst we are together in the present, we enjoy each others company, but developing who He is and what he believes his role in this World to be....it takes precedent over me.  Part of me understands that.  Another part wants to be loved enough for there be to concessions.  But these are my Ego and my Fears making demands. First we must be true to Ourselves, before we can act honestly with each other. What Others do and think is up to them and I have no right to ask for anything they are unwilling to give. We are all 'On Our Way', You, Me, the Man in the street.  We are all responsible for our Lives and where we are at this very moment.

Had I been pregnent, the Child would have been my responsibility because I chose to fertilise an egg and grow it in my belly, knowing that I had chosen to engage in a life long commitment to that New Life. The Man only chose to fertilise the egg because I allowed it. There is no other commitment.

Desert Life was simple. Water, food, hitching, shelter - and the feeling of Love and Protection. How do I teach a Child that? Perhaps when I believe I can sustain these basics in my own every day Life - in the absence of Fear.

It is my 8th month in Australia and perhaps finally, I might be learning not to expect anything from the future.

Australia is good like that. It teaches me all sorts of things.

I could be experiencing pain at the thought of not seeing Andreas again....and I have felt pain, great gagging bouts of it.  I panicked at the thought of the emotional trauma that was to follow.  I just could not face that again.  I would not go down that road.  I would not go back to my old way of life, the old way I reacted to things. There were options, and for a time, I resorted to a familiar pattern of behaviour that was designed to punish me. But the Universe was kind and whispered of another way....and I listened.

I love Andreas.

I have never been prepared to commit to anyone as I was with Him.  We are so alike and so different at the same time.  I tried not to think of the future, of a life together, just living in the Now and most days I got it right.  But when we decided to have a Child, my new way of thinking faltered.  I wanted 'security'.  I wanted to know that He would be there with Us.  That we would raise Our Child together.  I never understood that Andreas considered single parenting a real possibility.  Him or Me raising our Child.  There did not seem to be an 'Us'. We never spoke of a future 'Us'.  Only a now 'Us'.

And to be fair, that is how both of us have lived out lives in Australia these past 7 or 8 months.  Neither of us could or would plan the future, because every day our lives changed with or without planning, so what was the point?  Andreas embraced this more fully than I perhaps, but then again, I am lenient on myself.  It was I who would carry our baby for 9 months and feel it grow inside of me. That connection breeds responsibility. 

Andreas is an amazing Being who I feel fortunate to have Loved.  He is 'On His Way' now and yes, so am I.

I learned new things about myself and new ways of interacting with my emotions. I know I can fall back into old patterns.  I also know that I can change them in a second.  All that matters is that I am true to Myself....as Andreas is true to Himself.

And it is enough.

There is some new Girl Talk - smaltzy :-) but it is my smaltzy.